Quotes

Read some quotes from forum..


1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

3. A day without sunshine is like ... night.

4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

10. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.

11. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

12. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

13. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

14. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

15. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

16. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

18. You can't have everything, where would you put it?

19. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up75% of the world's population.

20. The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first.

21. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

22. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

23. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

24. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

25. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

28. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

29. If I save time, when do I get it back?

30. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

31. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

32. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

33. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

34. As I said before, I never repeat myself.

35. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

36. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

37. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

38. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

39. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

40. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

41. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

42. We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

43. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

44. Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

45. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

46. Always be nice to people on the way up; because you will meet the same people on the way down.

47. When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

48. To become successful and outstanding at something, we don't have to come up with something new; we need only find ways of doing it better.

49. When I'm right, no one remembers. When I'm wrong, no one forgets.

50. The Gods put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Now I'm so far behind I'd never die...

51. Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Locksley's Law: Murphy was not an optimist.

52. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops...On my desk I have a work station...

53. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

54. Stop the slaughter! Boycott Baby Oil!!

55. Ham and Eggs. A day's work for a chicken...But a lifetime's committment for the pig.

56. Too many freaks...Not enough circuses.

57. Who the hell came up with the term "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?

58. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

59. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

60. When everything in life is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

61. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

62. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

63. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

64. Tounched by an Angel....Do you think Angels should be allowed to go around touching people?

65. Why did the chicken cross the road? Actually...The more important question here is what the heck's a chicken doing walking around on a road....

66. Everybody likes a kidder....But nobody lends him money.

67. Most people don't mind criticism as long as it's about someone else.

68. We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.

69. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

70. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

71. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

72. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

73. Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.

74. To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

75. Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.

76. May your life be like toilet paper. Long and useful.

77. Eat right. Exercise daily. Live clean. Die anyway.

78. Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

79. Life is full of disappointments...And I'm full of life.

80. Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

81. In the long run we're all dead.

82. Death is Life's way of telling you that you're fired.

83. Time is the best teacher. But unfortunately, it kills all its students.

84. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

85. May the forces of evil be confused on the way to your house.

86. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill.

87. Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move dead bodies.

88. Friends who think they are perfect are very annoying to those of us who really are.

89. When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend.

90. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

91. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

92. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

93. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

94. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

95. Kids playing outside a car can result in accidents. Playing inside the car can result in kids by accident.

96. "The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend." --Abraham Lincoln.

97. "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." --Erica Jong.

98. "Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong." --John G. Riefenbaker.

99. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." --Albert Einstein.

100. "A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong." --Thomas Szasz.

101. "Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." --Lyndon B. Johnson.

102. "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." --Groucho Marx.

103. "He who angers you conquers you." --Elizabeth Kenny.

104. "Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?" --Benjamin Franklin.



The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.